• January 30, 2018

It’s no coincidence that the topic on language barrier keeps coming up in my day to day life. I personally struggle with the fluency of being bilingual as an individual who comes from a culturally diverse background. A very common problem others share with me who were raised on the border of Mexico and the United States. Since I turned eighteen and moved out of my parents place to attend college an hour away I have learned a lot about the culture of my upbringing. Unfortunately, I have established the ill proficient ways of my very Americanized family. I always thought I struggled with speaking Spanish because no one practiced the language and discourse with me. Sometimes I would get conversation or translated replies from family in Spanish but the conversation almost always was in English.

Although I must point out that unlike most Latinos who do not speak Spanish fluently, I feel quite the opposite about the priority to learn it. Most people my age diss the need to be bilingual much less practice daily because they see it as unnecessary and well growing up as a Latino without that double tongue you get so much criticism that eventually leads you to have no care for ever learning it.

It truly is a misfortune and a challenge to become bilingual when you are monolingual most of your life. Not just the technical capability of applying new vocabulary and repertoire but the psychological and sociological effects that occur in one’s life to learn a second language to benefit their social life really takes a lot.

If I’m being completely honest, the purpose for learning a second language isn’t for the mere fact of learning and being able to meet people it’s for the fact of acceptance. It’s that struggle that i am not enough of me for you or anyone with my cultural background. That’s the true evil in all this that I am motivated by fear of rejection and isolation to learn a second language that yes, is embedded in my tradition but it is NOT my culture.

Speaking Spanish and English, broken or perfect, is not what defines me as a Latina and neither does being monolingual. I do in fact speak in gestures and have short conversations in Spanish with those who primarily speak in Spanish and I read at least to a 4th grade comprehension in Spanish literature with a slightly lower level to correctly write in Spanish. But even then, this is not enough for people to believe I am a Spanish speaker.

It’s quite funny really that anyone who learns a second language like French or German and possibly only recites simply phrases or the entire alphabet can be labeled bilingual but if you are Latin and do not fully speak Spanish, “speak”, then you are not Latin.

Learning and speaking Spanish is not for self indulgence or expanding your intelligence it’s simply for the responsibility you must hold as a Latino for other Latino to consider you worthy.

But despite all the negativity and pure rejection, I will persevere and learn to speak fluently in Spanish if it is the last thing I do. I want to be able to speak to those who matter to me comfortably even if it means putting myself in a very uncomfortable position.

C’est LaVie